Thursday, April 4, 2013


My friend Greg posted this on Facebook last night (via Wipe Out Homophobia):

along with instructions to give yourself one point for each of the "sins" listed on the protestor's sign and post your score. You know, like the "purity tests" we played around with in college. In the lively comments discussion that followed, it was agreed that, like those college purity tests, technicalities count -- that is, if you have to wonder whether an activity counted toward committing the sin, then it counted.

It's a bit hard to read, so let me help you out with the list:

  • Fornicators
  • Homosexuals
  • Liars
  • Thieves
  • Masturbators
  • Obama Voters
  • Buddhists
  • Dirty Dancers
  • Hindus
  • Gangster Rappers
  • Muslims
  • Drunkards
  • Feminists
  • Immodest Women
  • Democrats
  • Liberals
  • Evolutionists
  • Atheists
  • Potheads
  • Sodomites
That's twenty "sins". Let's see how I do!
  • I've had sex outside of marriage, so I'm a fornicator, all right.
  • I've never had a sexual relationship with another woman, but I've kissed a couple. Also, I write and publish homoerotic fiction, so we decided I can take this one on a technicality.
  • Really, does anyone make it through childhood without at least a few lies? Or have anything like a real social life as an adult? ("Oh, wow, that's a really... original haircut. No, I love it!")
  • Yes, I've stolen. Nothing big, mind you, and I'm not proud of it, but I've done it.
  • We don't really need to go into detail on this one, do we? I mean, we've all been through puberty, right? Onanist, me. Yes.
  • I was pretty vocal about supporting Obama, so yeah, you've got me on that one, too.
  • Okay, no. I can't claim to have ever even dabbled in Buddhism, unless you want to count taking yoga classes, and I have trouble making that one fit even as a technicality.
  • I'm not good at dirty dancing, but I've done it.
  • Haven't ever played around with Hinduism, either, though I've had a few Hindi friends.
  • I'm not a good enough extemporaneous rapper to have performed gangsta rap. I've recited along with some songs I own, but I don't think they qualify as gangsta rap, just, you know, normal rap. Unless Uncle Kracker counts. ...Nah. Wannabe-gangsta, maybe, but not really there. Let's just call this one a no.
  • Nope, I've never been a Muslim. I like bacon way too much.
  • Been drunk a lot of times, though.
  • Damn straight I'm a feminist.
  • Given that I've deliberately worn clothing that would expose and even showcase my cleavage, not to mention bathing suits, then yes, I expect I count as an occasionally immodest woman.
  • I vote Democrat more than 75% of the time, so though I loathe being put in boxes... yes.
  • I'm definitely a liberal.
  • And an evolutionist.
  • I'm not currently an atheist, but I considered myself one for many years.
  • I have, in fact, smoked pot twice. I hated it both times, but technicalities count!
  • Did you know that "sodomy" includes oral sex? So, um... yeah.
That's a score of 16/20! I am 80% damned! And of the four points I didn't get, three of them are religions I haven't participated in.

How do you score?

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