6 January 2000

Okay, I've been working more or less steadily for the past four hours. I think I deserve a short break before lunch.

I'm trying to decide whether I need to start going to bed earlier, or if I'll adapt to this sleep schedule in a couple of weeks. Lately, I've been going to bed around ten-thirty or eleven at night and waking up when the alarms start going off around six in the morning. (Give or take. This morning I don't remember hitting the Snooze button the first time.)

Around eight or so every morning, I start to droop, and by nine, I can barely keep my eyes open without a cup of coffee. This morning I went ahead and had a cup of coffee before eight, and didn't go through the drooping phase, but now, just before lunch, I can feel it creeping back in. I'll need a soda this afternoon to keep going, I guess.

But I'm not sure whether I really need more sleep, or if it's just an adaption thing. In a few weeks, maybe I could get by without any caffeine, or at least less.

Or maybe I'll just keep my schedule the way it is, and become the sort of person who has a cup of coffee every morning and soda or tea with lunch. Having a little extra time in the evenings is nice. But I've got this very strong feeling against letting myself become addicted to things.

I'm already addicted to food, and I don't particularly enjoy what that does to me, but I can't seem to stop. I've got a very addictive personality. A certain amount of alcoholism runs in my family, and because I hate what I've seen of it, I'm very very careful not to drink on anything like a regular basis.

I've been addicted to caffeine before. It's a scary addiction, actually. If you drink a lot of caffeine, you think that if you stop, nothing happens except maybe you'll be a little more tired. But caffeine does in fact form a chemical dependency over time. I discovered I was addicted when one morning I had a headache that wouldn't go away. It hovered right behind my eyes, and throbbed in my temples, and I couldn't get rid of it. I'd taken four Advil and two Tylenol. Drunk about four cups of water in case it was dehydration. Massaged my temples in case it was stress. Closed my eyes for a few minutes in case it was eyestrain. Took a short nap in case it was exhaustion. Nothing worked. Finally, irritably, I sat down with a book and a Coke... And it went away, just about the same time I finished the Coke.

Now, of addictions I could have, this is pretty mild. After all, caffiene isn't illegal - it's not even controlled. It's relatively inexpensive. I doubt seriously that there's going to be a shortage anytime during my life. The withdrawal symptoms don't ever grow any more severe than a headache. And the benefits are pretty nice.

I've been asked before why I bother worrying about being addicted to caffeine. After all, it's one of the defining characteristics of the great geeks. I'm still not sure I have a very good answer. It's just a feeling that I shouldn't be addicted to things. What if every addiction I allow makes it that much easier for the next one to take root? What if I wind up addicted to something that turns out to have much more severe consequenses than some extra weight or a headache? It sounds stupid, but I never promised to be logical.