In case you missed yesterday's afternoon update (No, don't go look; I'm going to tell you the news now!), the interview KT and I did for Metajournals is up!
And with good timing, too, because I'm extraordinarily tired today - I spent last night waking up every half hour or so, and while I generally went straight back to sleep again, I'm feeling quite drowsy this morning. I contemplated skipping work and staying home so I could sleep in. But Matt guilted me into coming to work. So now I'm contemplating skipping my Weight Watchers meeting so I can go home and take a nap - it's going to be bad news this week anyway.
Anyway, the Metajournals article is good timing because I said back when we did the interview that once it was posted, I'd answer the other questions. See, KT and I asked each other a whole bunch of questions - ten or eleven. And we only sent five or six to Metajournals. So. Here are the questions KT asked me that we didn't send to Metajournals:
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If your husband had a fatal heart attack tonight, what would you most regret not having done together? When do you think you will actually get around to doing those things?
I would regret not living to a ripe old age together most of all. Arguing with the government over his property, I'd probably regret that we hadn't gotten around to having our wills drawn up. Trying to scrape together the mortgage payments, I'd regret that we don't have life insurance policies beyond the ones we have at work. Living alone in our house with the memories we've created there - or having to move to a smaller home that he'd never even seen, I might regret that we didn't have children. I know. That isn't what you want me to talk about. I'll try again, but this is a rough topic.
Every new place I saw, I'd regret that he wasn't with me to see. Every new event that happened, I'd regret that he wasn't there to talk about it with me. Every thing that made me laugh would make me wonder whether he would have enjoyed it as well. I'd regret that we didn't spend more time together really talking and *being* together, rather than reading and playing on the computer. I'd regret opportunities missed for picnics in the park and movies watched and long mornings spent snuggling and making love.
In truth, if I lost Matt, more than anything else I'd regret not having gone with him.
If you could possess one supernatural ability, what would it be?
I've always thought it would be fun to fly, but the more I think about it, the more I think I'd actually like to be able to shapechange. I could change into something that flies, if that's what I want to do. Or swims. Or... yeah. Shapechanging would be cool.
What one thing gives you the most comfort?
This is where I answer something more or less standard, like "my friends" or "my husband" and everyone says "Aww...." and we move on to more interesting questions.
(Okay, so some of them didn't get sent to Metajournals for good reason.)
What is your biggest pet peeve?
I have thousands of peeves. Ask anyone who knows me; I'm a terribly peevish person. Saying "nu-cu-lar" instead of "nu-cle-ar" is probably the one most likely to make me actually attempt to correct you.
If you were offered the perfect job in one city, and your husband were offered the perfect job in another city more than 500 miles away, where would you go? Would it affect your relationship?
I don't think something like that could NOT affect our relationship, but I'd like to think it would be the sort of stress that makes the relationship stronger. As for what we'd do, I'm sure I don't know. There are all sorts of other factors to consider - the amount of each offered salary, compared to the cost of living in each city and the difficulty of the other person finding a similar job in the other city. If one of those perfect jobs was near friends or family, that would probably give it an edge. The climate and weather patterns of each city are important as well. In short, after probably a lot of discussion, we'd go where we would both have the greatest chance of happiness. Neither Matt nor I expects our jobs to be perfect anyway, so I think it would really be the incidental factors that would matter the most.
What accomplishments in your life are you most proud of? What things are on you list of "To Do Before I Die"? what thing have you done that you most wish you had not? Does this count as more than one question??
Of course it's more than one question... But that's all right, they're all sortof related. The problem is, I'm not sure I can answer any of these questions, because I don't usually think much in terms of accomplishments and personal pride. Is it an accomplishment that I got married? It was more of an event, really. I suppose I could say that earning my master's degree was an accomplishment, but I don't really feel, most of the time, that I worked for it. (Not academically, anyway. The amount of emotional effort I had to put into it was not - in my opinion - worth it.) I'm sure it seems like an accomplishment that I've got a good job, but that had more to do with luck and contacts my father has than my own personal achievement. There isn't very much that I do that I really feel comes entirely *from* me. The counted cross-stitch I did of a dragon wrapped around a castle - that I feel some pride in; that was five months of my life, essentially. I felt accomplishment when I gave my mother an afghan for her birthday that I had made myself, and she was so touched she cried. And I'm proud - in a way - of the fact that I have so few regrets.
I regret a few occasions where I treated people badly. I regret the time when I was so ashamed of myself I ran away from home rather than face my mistakes squarely. I regret not having the courage to leave a bad relationship as soon as it became obvious things weren't going to improve. I regret not taking some of the opportunities placed before me in college - but not all of them.
So that I will not have any more regrets on my deathbed - the accomplishments I have yet to achieve... I want to travel a little. I want to learn more. I want to be generous in my gifts and lavish with my love. I want to... I want to be known, when I die, as a person who enjoyed life.
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In addition, I don't know whether the Metajournals editors hated my writing, or if I was too wordy, or what, but they chopped off some of the most interesting bits of what we sent them. Okay, I'll admit I went a little overboard in a place or two, but they didn't finish the advice I would give if I could go back in time and talk to my younger self - so here's the entire answer:
If you could go back in time and give your younger self one piece of advice, what would you say?
Hmm. That depends on how far back in time I could go...
- If I could go back to my elementary school self, I'd try to explain how, if I could manage to make them think I didn't care what they thought about me, they'd actually beg for my company.
- If I could go back to my junior high self, I'd try to see if I could teach myself a little earlier how to turn the weirdness they mocked into the armor that became my banner and shield.
- If I could go back to my high school self, I'd try to talk myself into trying out for more plays. I'd tell myself to stop being such a bitch to the couple of guys who had crushes on me, especially since they were my friends, for petesake. And I'd have a good long chat with myself about sex - I don't regret losing my virginity then, but I did lose some self-respect when I did it because I was capitulating rather than deciding.
- If I could go back to my college self, I'd tell myself to forpetesake get rid of my lying, cheating, druggie boyfriend! By the time he started lying and cheating, he'd already introduced me to the people I met through him who are still my friends, so I wouldn't lose them. And I might explain to myself how a little careful experimentation with sex wouldn't hurt me and that it might be OK to act on a little lust without thinking it was Undying Love.
(Actually, re-reading that, they chopped out the bits about sex. I wonder if they're worried about being lambasted for poor moral content or something?)
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Anyway, tomorrow I'll begin to answer the questions that I asked KT for myself.
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