I find it very funny - in a macabre sort of way - that a few weeks ago, working in testing and hating every minute, I wondered whether this was a step towards firing me, and now - back in programming, working on a project I thought would be challenging and interesting, I find myself suddenly without a job.
Let me try that again.
3GI had some massive financial setbacks early this fall. For two months, they kept paying everyone out of overhead, but finally, the bank told them that they had to lay off some people, or they weren't going to remain solvent. I was among the layoffs.
Not only that, but since my officemate, Jeremy, had recently been promoted to a manager, he was part of the discussions. I don't know if anything he told them tipped the balance that added me to the list, and I don't really want to know. I do know that he was told who was on the list along with the rest of the managers, before the general announcement. I don't know when that was, but I suspect it was on Friday. He was told that the list was final and non-negotiable, and not to tell anyone.
Matt's really angry with him for not telling us anyway - for coming to our party and enjoying our hospitality and apparently having a good time while he knew. I'm not angry with him. If our situations had been reversed, I'm quite certain that I wouldn't have been able to find the words to tell him. (I don't think I'd have been able to go to the party and act like everything was normal, though.)
I think they could have handled the situation better, though. I shouldn't have had to find out I was on the list when I went back to my desk and discovered I couldn't log in to my computer.
It's amazing how quickly one learns to read between the lines.
I couldn't log into my computer: "Don't let the door hit you in the ass on your way out."
One guy in the severance package meeting asked what our chances really were of getting our jobs back in a couple of months like the Optimist said. The Optimist's answer was, as always, cheerful and optimistic, and meant, "Don't count on it, bucko."
No one would meet my eyes as I left the building: "I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry but thank god that isn't me."
A number of peculiar phenomena seem to be explained, as well...
Day-long manager's meetings that couldn't be talked about; Mike sitting to lunch with us yesterday despite not having anything to eat; the strange tone in Paul's voice when I called him about a minor e-mail problem...
And wondering how far back it goes and just what it was that tipped the scale. Was it my complaining to Del last week about not being listed as a senior programmer on the new org chart? Was it the difficulty in finding me a decent project? Was it my personality? Was it my physical appearance?
It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, to walk past Wendy and Cheryl at the receptionist's desk yesterday, remembering the times we'd chatted and laughed and shared our stories - and not meeting their eyes, knowing they didn't want to meet mine. I'd invited Cheryl to our Hallowe'en party, and I wondered if she knew, and that was why she didn't come. When I started at 3GI, Wendy was the only other woman working there.
And it's a hard thing to contemplate now, that I didn't get to say goodbye to Nancy, who was a good friend.
So please, update your addressbooks - for now, I'm using my hotmail account, which is brooksliz@hotmail.com. My front page here will provide the link to the new pages, once it's up.
Right now, I have a meeting with the Employment Commission.
No comments:
Post a Comment