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And now, for your viewing pleasure, some gratuitous pictures. But first, a story! Last week when I was out shopping, I picked up something that looks like old fashioned 3-D specs - cheap cardboard glasses with plastic over the eyeholes. The glasses themselves are hideously ugly - decorated with an image of glowing colored lights. Only instead of red and blue plastic, the lenses were a sort of spotty-looking grey. Holiday Specs, they bill themselves. "See the Magic in the Lights of Christmas!" What the hell, I thought, and looked through the lenses at a nearby Christmas tree.
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I must say, I appreciate the sense of humor of the company - let's call them Acme - from which I ordered my dad's Christmas present. Their website almost seems to be a joke, except it's too detailed in ordering information. The flyers which came with the item were equally amusing: (slightly edited on the thousand-to-one-chance my dad reads this before Christmas)
UNIMPORTANT INFORMATION! Dear Person-Who-Now-Owns-An-Acme-[product], As you unpack your new [product], please note that our shipping manager has packed your [product] with Eco-Fill peanuts. These are derived from genuine corn, which was planted, grown, and harvested in either the American Midwest or someplace else. You can get rid of these pesky packing peanuts by just tossing them on the grass and squirting them with a hose. Or wash them down the drain. Our assistant bottle-washer tells us that they dissolve in water. Our supplier assures us that they are biodegradable. Our 4-year-old reports that they are edible. Also, please notice that we have enclose a waterslide decal which will properly calibrate and identify your Acme [product]. [Directions for putting the decal on the product omitted.] Applied properly, we certify that these calibrations cannot be traced to the National Institute of Standards and Technology, the National Physics Laboratory, and the Bureau of Metrology in Paris. Best wishes, [signature reads "Meanie"] Ms. Median Mode Middlemean Assistant Administrative Averager Department of Statistical Flukes |
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