Smoosh

Today is not shaping up to be my favoritest day ever.

It started off okay. Alex slept until almost 6:30, and was happy to wander around upstairs while I got dressed. Penny was excited about it being "picture day" and got dressed without being nagged. We wound up leaving the house a minute or two late, but not enough to really matter.

We got to Alex's daycare, and he was fine and dandy while I got his coat off and handed over his spare clothes, and then as I headed for the door, he broke down. They're transitioning him to the toddler side of the room, which means he was able to run for me and grab my leg. I gave him another hug and a kiss, then firmly turned and walked away... Or would have, if Penny hadn't been lollygagging. I muscled her out the door.

She was bright and cheerful right up into school, playing with a ribbon she found in the car and pretending she was a cowgirl. But when it came time to go to class, she called me back for extra hugs and kisses. "But I'll miss you," she said. "Why do I have to go to school?"

"Because everyone has to go to school," I said. "I miss you too, pumpkin. Have a fun day! Picture day!" and I left.

I hadn't been at work for half an hour when the nurse called to tell me she'd arrived at her kindergarten class in tears, sobbing, "Mommy left me!" as if I'd just broken up with her.

She's despondent almost every morning, mind, but it doesn't usually dissolve into tears. I don't know if she's tired, or if her post-breakfast blood sugar spike is particularly high today, or what. It's not like I can let her get out of going to school. So I'm just sitting here feeling guilty and wondering what I'm doing wrong, that my kids hate school so much. I loved school, when I was little.

To be fair, I don't think Alex hates school. I think he just doesn't like the early morning toddler teacher. Which is fair; I'm not wild about her myself. I'm sure she's very nice, but she doesn't smile very much, and she doesn't show much in the way of enthusiasm or energy. But if he gets in the habit of not liking her, will it turn into a habitual breakdown every morning, even after he's not in that class anymore? Ugh.

And here I sit, at the job I despise (today, I get to write up some meeting minutes, have a meeting with one of the project managers to hash out some details, do some paperwork, review a couple of documents, and then start working on retooling about a hundred pages of processes to specifically fit one of our projects).

But hey, I get a reprieve this afternoon -- I've got an appointment for a mammogram! Whoo! Boy, if there's anything in this world that could make me appreciate being at work, it's an appointment with the boob-smasher!

Illness and snow and more illness sucked up the vacation time I'd been planning to use to take a few days off later this month, but I think I might need to take at least one day, anyway. I need to recharge.