Helmet

I've mentioned I'm going to a therapist, right? It started because stress was getting to me; I decided I had to do something after I was driving home one night and for a few seconds, seriously considered turning around and leaving.

I debate endlessly with myself about whether it's worth my time and money, though. I have trouble opening up to the therapist, in part because I have a sneaking suspicion that she thinks I'd be fine if I'd just lose a hundred pounds or so. I can't say my weight isn't an issue, but I don't think it's The Issue and I wish we could get through just one session without it coming up. But mostly I don't open up to her because it just doesn't come naturally to me.

That's probably a surprise to certain friends of mine who have been dragged deep into the land of TMI with me, but that's the key: friends. I don't talk to people I don't know well about my private life, much less my problems in my private life. And there are some things I don't care to talk about at all, even with friends.

Which doesn't do me much good when it comes to therapy.

Nevertheless, whenever I have managed to pry open my mouth, I've usually felt better for it, and sometimes she manages to come up with some insight that's really helped. So I'm working at it.

I felt good about yesterday's session. I was going to talk about some resentment issues I've got going. And it came down to the fact that people that I thought should take something seriously and personally just don't feel about it the way I thought they would, and that's life, and I need to just get over it.

But it wasn't cathartic to admit to feeling resentment, and she didn't have any suggestions for me. She threw up an anecdote of her own, but it didn't help.

So I'm still stuck with the feelings, and I'll eventually work through it on my own, or just let it fade away, or whatever. Life sucks, wear a helmet.

And I'm back to wondering if I should just cancel my next appointment and go back to muddling through on my own.