Passive Aggressive

One of the managers that I work for is, in person, a really nice guy. But in email -- which is about 80% of my interaction with him -- he can be the most annoyingly passive-aggressive bullshit artist in the universe.

To whit, the following email exchange:

Him: Can you put together a list of all the procedures we've documented for this project?

Me: Here you go.

Him: Do you have any recommendations on what other procedures we need to put together?

Me: Well, the procedure for X is being written, and the one for Y is on hold pending resolution of an issue, and in a couple of months, we'll need one for Z.

Him (and this is a direct and complete quote of his entire email, sans signature block): Given what your other projects have done, no others?

...

Okay, seriously, I'm an adult. If you think I'm missing something, tell me. I'll either tell you why I left it out, or admit that I hadn't thought of it and add it to the list. There's no purpose at all to trying to lead me to it, like a parent prompting a child. ("And what do we say to Grandma, now?")

I'm developing a reputation at my office for being the person who will voice the ugly truth, and without trying to dress it up too much. I called this manager down earlier this week already, when he let a meeting drag on forty minutes past its scheduled quitting time. (Specifically, I said, "Hey! I've got another meeting in fifteen minutes, and I'd really like to eat lunch today." Because the scheduled quitting time had been noon, for petesake.)

The good news is that most of the managers I work with (including this one) actually appreciate this quality in me. The other good news is that I don't work for this manager; I work with him. My boss not only appreciates my bluntness, he applauds it. (Sometimes literally. When I tell him I've had to deliver a verbal smackdown to one of the managers, he high-fives me. Once or twice, he's even applauded when he's been the manager I've had to smack down. I like my boss. He does not suffer fools gladly, and he expects others to not suffer him when he's being a fool.)

So I called Passive-Aggressive Man and I said, "So it sounds like you've got something particular in mind."

And he said, "Well, I thought we could use a procedure for N."

And -- because I'm an adult -- I said, "Oh, sure. Hadn't thought of that; thanks for reminding me. Yeah, I can put something together for N."

How freaking hard was that? Sheesh.

---

Speaking of passive-aggressive, I can't decide whether to laugh or despair at Alex. He's working on talking so hard, I can practically see steam rising from his tow-headed curls. Practically any word we say to him, he'll take a stab at repeating. He's still really bad at it, but he's only two, and most kids under four aren't all that comprehensible. He'll get there.

He's even venturing tentatively into the land of multi-word combinations. One of his favorite things to do at dinner is point to each person's cup of milk by turns and say, "Mi'!" To which we respond with, "Yes! That's Mommy's milk! Yes! That's Daddy's milk! That's Penny's milk! That's Alex's milk!"

Last night, he pointed at my cup and said, "Mi'!" I said, "Yes, that's Mommy's milk." He said, "Mommy! Mi'!"

"Yes, Mommy's milk! Very good!"

Then he pointed to his own cup and said, entirely without prompting, "Lah-le mi'!" ("Lah-le" is how he says his own name. X is a hard letter to pronounce.) So he's starting to glom onto the notion that words can be used to modify or clarify the meanings of other words, which is pretty cool.

He's even starting to get the idea that words can be used to explain other words. He was trying to say something to me later at dinner. "Ha! Ha!" I thought he was talking about the ham he was eating. "Yes, that's ham!" Finally, he gave me a look and waved. "Bye-bye!" "Um, okay, bye-bye. Where are you going?" "Bye-bye! Ha!"

"...Oh! You mean HI!" I waved. "Hi!"

He waved back, relieved that I had finally caught on. "Ha!"

I thought it was pretty nifty that he figured out using "bye-bye" to link it to "hi" for me.

But the one thing we can not get him to do is utter any variation on the word "please." He'll repeat anything else we tell him to say, and frequently exhibit some understanding of what it is. "Alex, say 'dinosaur'!" "Di-doh! Rarr!" "Can you say 'star'?" "Tah? Up-high!" (When he sees a picture of a star, he calls it an up-high. That wire may not uncross for a while, I guess.)

"Alex, can you say 'please'?"

"..."

Nothing. Won't do it. He'll bring me a book, begging to be read to. "Book! Book!"

"Say 'please'."

"Book! Up!" He'll lift his arms, demanding to be picked up.

"Say 'please', Alex."

"UP!"

"Can you say 'please'?"

And then he gives up and walks away.

Every time. Sometimes he gets upset, sometimes he decides it's just not that important, but he will not say it.

Kid's gonna be a right stinker. I can tell.