I'm sick.

Okay, I heard that. It isn't funny. I mean really sick. Had a tickle in my throat Friday night, spent most of Saturday feeling congested, Sunday I had a fever of about 101. Yesterday the fever was gone, but the throat hurt much worse. I decided to take today off from work, so that's why this entry is being posted later in the day - for those of you who have been frantically checking every half hour or so. My throat still hurts like hell, but it's not quite as bad as it was yesterday, thanks for asking. I don't plan on going back to work until I can swallow without making a face.

So I didn't have the peachiest of holiday weekends. But that's not what I want to talk about today. Today I want to talk about money and work.

The thought was spurred by a brief conversation with Jeremy on Friday. We were filling out our timesheets (my office collects timesheets twice a month, on the 15th and the last day of the month) and Jeremy commented that he'd worked an extra twelve hours or so. I said something about how it was unfair that we don't get paid for overtime, and Jeremy disagreed, and I dropped it. It has been observed previously that Jeremy and I have vastly different ideas about working.

But I kept thinking about it, and here's what I think. I think, if I'm going to be a salaried employee, then I shouldn't have to put in forty hours every week if I can finish my work in less time. And I think that demanding that I put in forty hours a week, even if I'm not working for ten or more of those hours, and then not paying me when I'm forced to work overtime, is absurd. I know it sounds like it should balance out - if I'm not working for a lot of the time I'm at work, how can I complain when I have to work extra? But it doesn't work like that. Not working at work is not the same as not working at home. When I'm at work with nothing to do, I can't go to the mall, or take a nap, or even get comfortable. I have to continue pretending to work - I have to look busy, even when I'm not. Not working at work is sometimes even worse than having to work overtime without getting paid.

Jeremy tells me that he feels that there are other rewards for unpaid overtime. He didn't say so, but I assume he's referring to out-of-cycle raises and the positions of responsibility that are given to those who behave like good little wage-slaves.

That came out a little more sarcastic than I was intending. I'm glad that Jeremy feels fulfilled in his work. But I don't. The raises I've had from 3GI have been fair, and more than fair - don't get me wrong. But the one position of extra responsibility that I was given merely forced me to work even more unpaid overtime, and since that project ended, I've been back to the same old same old. No more responsibility for Liz. I don't know if they think I handled it badly, or if it was just someone else's turn, or what. No one tells you these things at 3GI. But it's a little frustrating to say the least. I feel like I'm being punished because I do my work too quickly. Like they won't give me any more responsibility because I haven't been putting in extra hours. I only work late when I have to. I've never yet been behind the deadlines given to me. In fact, I've almost always been early. Doesn't that deserve more reward than some slowpoke who is always at the office because that's the only way they can meet their deadlines? (I'm not talking about Jeremy, here. Jeremy, like me, manages to finish ahead of deadline more often than not.)

I'm trying to figure out why Jeremy always has four or five projects going while I spend half my time with nothing to do. Possibly it's because of that different attitude I mentioned before. Jeremy is endlessly enthusiastic about his job, and for me it's just a path to a paycheck. He's also much more technologically imaginative than I am, so he's always coming up with ideas for things to do. And he's got a knack for understanding the technology that I don't, and may never, have. So he deserves the extra projects and responsibility that he's been given. I don't begrudge him that.

But all I want is for someone to give me something to do, and then leave me alone until it's done. I want to collect my paycheck and go home. What I want is to be paid by the job, if that's what it takes. Or paid by the hour. That might inspire me to work longer hours or to take on more projects. But right now I get the exact same paycheck whether I spend a week playing Minesweeper or designing code modules. And unlike Jeremy, I haven't seen that any benefit came from those times when I had to bust my ass to finish a job on time.

I'm in it for the money, dammit.